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The story of the Laserfish.

23 March 201103:25PMthings

If you've ever run across me online, chances are you'll recognise my stock-ish avatar. Here he is:

Lazerfish made his debut in a Society and Environment exercise book in Year 9, which has sadly been lost to the mists of time. He fast became a recurring motif in margin doodlings, frying unsuspecting stick-civilians, fighting eye- sats, aliens, and rocketfish, and being the centerpiece of such creative gadgets as the Death Fishbowl. He remained purely paper-bound, until, one fateful day (the 17th of February 2007, according to the timestamp on the file) he made the leap to the digital universe.

It was a dark and stormylong and boring computing class, and the Guys Up The Back had already finished both the allotted typing tuition and the period's set Microsoft Word task, and were beginning to entertain themselves with the wonders of Microsoft Paint. Some said it could not be done, but one of these souls did actually manage to produce what could arguably be called a decent, nay, even good picture in Paint. Replete with flashing eyes and a newfound 256-colour existence, Lazerfish began his indenture as guardian of the avatar slot, appearing everywhere from forums to the budding MSN network.

By February 2008, only his second year on the internet Lazerfish had received another promotion: custodianship of his first website. Here his enclosure received another upgrade: rounded corners, and a spiffy (though questionably wise) new .jpeg format. Truly, he was a site (geddit.) to behold, surveying his domain with absolute mastery.

However, this golden era was not to last. After less than a dozen short months after his instatement, Lazerfish's kingdom collapsed, and the once-proud domain (geddit.) was relegated to a shelf in the garage since it was too noisy and was making the electricity bill too high. As the custom avatar phase passed and the rise of Facebook began, Lazerfish found himself relegated to a corner of a backup disk, compressed and archived, waiting forlornly for the chance to prove himself again.

Finally, in the dying days of 2009, Lazerfish got his chance. He was given domain over a Steam profile- at first, merely a symbolic position. Later, however, he came to proudly preside over many a hard-fought Team Fortress battle. He was there when the Cake was discovered to be a lie! He stood resolute in the face of the alien swarm! He was consolation when Plain Sight turned out to be a bit of a flop, and he has guarded countless (ie, a few dozen) achievements.

But he grew old. His resolution low, his compression lossy, his source file all but vanished, it seemed inevitable that he should be replaced. And so he set to work, on a project so bold, so unthinkable, that consequences would never be the same. And so it was that, on the 23rd of March, 2011 on the third floor of the Reid Library at UWA, having traversed 6 computers, countless flash drives, and 4(ish) interminable years, Lazerfish unveiled... His new form.

Ladies and Gentlemen: LAXORFISH!

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