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The Experiment.

17 March 200911:14AMliferants

The Experiment:

Hypothesis: That 3 kids and a 20-something-year-old are incapable of surviving on their own for 5 days without any adult help.


Procedure: Place parentals on plane to Japan. Place kids in house. Observe.


The subjects performed admirably considering their relative inexperience. There were, however, some minor mishaps. Subject A (AKA Rockwell) exhibited several signs of almost being late to school, including bus panic, misplacing of homework and failure to consume a healthy breakfast in a rush. Indeed, the subject slept in on several occasions despite loud alarm clocks, and also showed problems with going to bed in the first place, due to the large computer:person ratio and fast internets. This could be rectified with more self discipline, ie, the subject not being slack.

There were also seen several negative interactions between Subjects B and C (Oliver and Michael). 'Oliver' seemed to regret 'Michael's perceived authority and reacted in a poor manner. This was not helped by 'Michael's teasing or assignment of chores, even though this seemed reasonable for the oldest and therefore most responsible member of the household. Subject D (Matt) seemed the least involved in the experiment due to his frequent utilisation of parental influences in order to gain access to an activity he called 'rowing' at 4:30 am, which was hampered only by the failure of said parental influences to actually turn up on time, twice arriving early and once not arriving at all.

Subject A (Rockwell) was seen to make copious use of bus number 81, and further examination of his SmartRider balance reveal extensive expenditure of seven (7) dollars and fifty (50) cents over the weekend, confirming the presence of public transport as a vital lifeline to sanity outside the craziness of the household.

Conclusion: The results' validity is skewed somewhat by the presence of a somewhat irritating and overbearing 'baby-sitters', whose presence was neither welcomed nor required by the Subjects. Although further trials would be ideal to ascertain scientific accuracy of the findings, this is not recommended for the emotional and physical wellbeing of the subjects, especially 'Mike' and 'Olly'.

*NB: Anything insulting in this post is intended purely 'For Lolz', and should not be taken srsly. Best enjoyed under the influence of spiced ham. Although every effort has been taken to assure the scientific accuracy of these findings, I'm a bit of a slacker and therefore couldn't be bothered including all the details... but still profess to be an expert on the subject at hand. If you have any questions about The Experiment, or advice/anecdotes/flames regarding your own experiences, feel free to call our toll free number, 1-800-LEAVE-THE-KIDS-AT-HOME or leave a comment below.

PS: Happy St. Patrick's day!

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